life lessons from a yogi: it’s ok to not be ok

It’s been awhile since I wrote a “life lesson from a yogi” post.  The world we live in has been so crazy.  It is scary and HARD trying to navigate this new “norm” if you will.  It is astounding to think that literally every person on this planet right now has the potential to be affected by the pandemic.  We truly are all in this together.  The one thing I have realized more so the past month is it is OK to NOT be ok!

In the beginning I saw so many people being negative about the situation.  People that still had jobs and their health.  I actually took a hiatus from Facebook because I saw so many people complaining about their rights being taken away when we were forced to stay home.  Now people are complaining about masks.  Lots of complainers.  I have always been of the mindset that when things are bad I shift my focus to “what am I grateful for?”.

I have a lot to be grateful for in these times.  My husband and I both have jobs.  I have a roof over my head.  My whole family has been blessed with good health during this.  We were fortunate enough to spend almost seven weeks back home with my family – something I haven’t done since I moved away to college at the age of eighteen.  I have spent more time with my siblings since March than I have collectively probably in two years.  There IS good in all this.

But I am EXHAUSTED!  I work full time.  So does my husband.  And my daughter is two.  So I now am not only a stay at home mom but a working full time stay at home mom.  Did I mention she is two?!  My daughter doesn’t understand that I can’t play with her all the time.  She just sees mommy and daddy are at home so we should be able to do all these fun things.  She asks for her teachers and friends all the time.  That kills me inside.  I wonder DAILY if I am setting her up to be behind by not having her in daycare.

My husband and I have had a total of three hours of alone time (if you don’t count the time after we put her to bed) as a “date”.  Which was in April when we were at my mom’s and had a day off of work and a built in babysitter so we went hiking (because nothing was open yet).  For a long time we didn’t have anywhere we could go even if we wanted.  And now with the pandemic back on the rise we debate whether or not we SHOULD go anywhere.  

Not only have we had no time together really, we have also had no time apart either.  It’s hard to take a few hours to yourself because where do you go?!  In reality we have been cooped up in our house or my mom’s house for five months now and there are moments where I really get a little stir crazy.

I miss my friends.  I miss going into the office actually.  The weeks are long and the only thing that differentiates the weekends is that I might not boot up my computer to work.  

I am not complaining.  I am stating facts.  Even though I am grateful there are just some days when I am NOT OK.  So I have started to realize that even though I have a job and some people don’t or I am healthy and some people aren’t, it’s still hard.  And it’s ok for me to say it’s hard.  I think often times we are told to suck it up, and we get really good at that.  We also get really good at putting on a happy face and pretending that everything is fine so we don’t deal with reality.

So I hope if you are reading this you give yourself some grace.  Give yourself permission to scream, cry, yell, release your emotions.  Let yourself really absorb what is going on around you and take inventory on your mental sanity.  If you have been on autopilot the past five months like me, sometimes when you sit down and really look at your life and what is going on you realize how the F am I getting by?!  And that’s a lot to take in.  You are not weak by admitting that things are tough right now.  You are strong for recognizing it and you are stronger for living through it.

So remember, yes there are people out there that have it much worse than you.  And a lot of people probably have it better.  But there is only one person living in your shoes.  Your hard is different from my hard.  It’s ok to look at your life and say “I’m not OK today”, you don’t need permission.  It’s ok to not be ok.

Don’t feel bad about giving yourself five or ten minutes. You need it!

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